Lots of tears the past two days, of frustration, irritation and not a little pain. It sounds funny to say I wake in pain, as I hardly sleep, but regardless, the night in particular is threaded with pain. It meanders through, seeming to take hold of all waking moments, and it never quite disappears, just kind of falls into a shadowland for a spell. Those are the moments when I fall asleep, sitting in a chair, and I'm grateful for those brief spaces when the pain isn't my constant companion.
It isn't debilitating pain, not usually above the "4" (can't do the things I enjoy doing) rating, but enough that I am weary of it all. Despite the pain, I'm making good progress on range of motion, and my physical therapist is pleased with my gains. This morning when I made several complete revolutions on the stationary bike, he told me that it is an "ice cream sundae" day, or in other words, I should reward myself for a job well done. I am encouraged that my physical strength is returning, slowly but surely. I created a little exercise tracking chart for the week that I'm finding useful. It pleases me to track my time spent and increased repetitions, a visual reward for investing in my strength training and recovery. Now that I'm familiar with the routine, I find myself doing "extra" just because! I am determined to succeed!
At my PT appointment today, we also discussed the fact that I am likely not taking enough pain medication for sleeping, so I will increase it for help during the night. That is the worst of it, the constant achy painful attempts to find a position even remotely comfortable to fall asleep in. I don't think I'm sleeping more than 45 minutes at a time, with long wakeful periods in between. Tonight I'll experiment with an extra dose and see if that helps me get more sleep, and in turn, should help me have more energy.
As I've dozed off a number of times during this time of writing, I think I'll post and find myself a more comfortable place to rest.