My first thoughts when I woke this morning were a prayer, "Please God, help me see the positive . . . the bright side . . . the cup half full." There was more, but that was the gest of it. It was all about me, and my fear of failure.
My day yesterday was a mosaic of positive and negative, like most folks. I read the paper, ate a healthy breakfast, logged what I ate, and got ready for the 8:15 aqua aerobics class. I weighed in, and immediately I was in a mad mood. I'd gained, again. After tracking every mouthful, exercising daily, doing all I know how to do in my own power, I still didn't lose any weight. Despite the fact that clothes are slightly less binding, my weight isn't coming off, according to the scale.
When I complained to my husband, he said the scale weighs him different all the time and he doesn't think it's too accurate. I went back and weighed again, with the identical results. The best decision I made was to head to the pool anyway and stay for yoga.
This time around in weight loss, my motivation isn't a different pant size, but to save what's left of my knees. I need to get some weight off to take the pressure off my knees. I am afraid to be stuck where I am, unable to enjoy life physically the way I have in the past. A few years ago, I dreamed of revisiting the Grand Canyon and hiking to the bottom and back as I did when I was 20. I'm not quite ready to give up that dream, though I know if I get there, I'll need hiking poles!
But I digress, a little. It was painfully brought to my attention recently that I am a Negative Nelly. You know those cartoons you see, "What's wrong with this picture?" well, I was told I look for what's wrong before I look for what's right. I wasn't really aware that I did. (Oh, sometimes, sure, but most of the time? I didn't think so!) In fact, I argued with the person who so kindly informed me of this character fault; even pushed a little of the blame toward the bearer of bad news. Fortunately, we kept talking until I reached the conclusion on my own that this person, who loves me way more than I love myself, was right.
I hate being wrong, as dear reader, you can probably already imagine. I tried to puzzle my way through, tease out when this negativity took over, but I can't pinpoint it. Here comes the scary part, I am afraid it's been there a long, long time. What can I do to change behavior that has been ingrained in me for decades? That I didn't even recognize? How could I have been so stupid??? Oops, I think that last question has a teensy bit of a negative ring to it!
OK, deep breath. Here's a thought. I will consciously think before I speak today, and make every effort to only allow positive words leave my mouth. I will pay attention when I begin to feel anxious, or irritated, frustrated . . . as, most likely, these feeling precede negative thinking. Or, maybe it's the other way around; maybe, just maybe, negative thinking precedes the anxiety, frustration, anger.
One day at a time . . . one hour at a time . . . one moment at a time . . . my focus will be to keep a positive perspective.
A little Shirley Temple is in order.