A New Beginning

It was a long week of hard labor . . . not always mine, but hard enough.  Thankfully I had my daughter with me the first three days of setting up my classroom and my sister spent last Monday with us.  This is what my classroom looked liked when we walked in on Monday. You can't tell here, but Kailyn and I had emptied most of my book shelves (I have six!) and the books were stored in cupboards.

Here are my Monday Movers and some of the results 

of their efforts!

 This map is in three pieces, and challenging (for me!) to get straight.  Before I caught her, Pam had put staples every few inches!  It's not going to fall down!

 I'm not sure why Kailyn is smiling . . . she should know by now that she'll probably be moving the desks into a different arrangement before the day is out!

I gave away so many books last year that one of my shelves is mostly empty.  I'm downsizing each year; gave away several books each to last year students, and put a couple hundred out for other staff. 

In a few short hours on Monday, Pam and Kailyn accomplished more than I could have managed in several days, in my limited capacity.  I was hugely grateful and treated them both to lunch at Applebees, not near enough payment, but they were happy! Despite my job of mostly just directing, I was exhausted by 2:30 that afternoon.


The next couple of days, Kailyn organized files, readied group supplies, rearranged and added desks (I had four new students enroll) and created a fabulous Welcome Back bulletin board! It's a little hard to read here, but the words are: "Sailing Into a New World of Learning" and many of the "waves" have words relating to upcoming curriculum.  The student's names are on the sailboats. This was all her own idea. I have been so blessed to have either Kailyn or Jessica create my bulletin boards for the past ten years! It took her hours to draw the coastlines of Europe, England and eastern US, then she carefully cut it out!  These outlines will move into the classroom on my back wall when we begin our storyline, "Coming to America".  

We were ready for Open House on Thursday evening!  I had a great turn out.  Twenty-two of my twenty-six families came to visit the classroom. I was on my feet the entire hour, often leaning on my cane, chatting and enjoying this annual opportunity to meet the families of the students I would be spending most of my waking hours with for the next several months.

By the time our principal’s voice came over the intercom, announcing that it was 7:00 and time to let the teachers go home, though, I was close to tears.  I sat at my desk for a few minutes, waiting for the parking lot to clear so I could leave.  The long walk down the hall was excruciating.  It was only through sheer willpower, and the desire to get home and lay down with my knee propped up and ice that got me down the hall and to my car.

As soon as I walked through our front door, I headed for the couch and Kailyn immediately went to get my ice packs and I finally couldn’t stop the tears.  Never had it felt so good to be laying down, knee propped up and ice surrounding my swollen joint!

After a mostly restful sleep, I felt a lot better on Friday.  It was an easy day, strength wise, as I was able to sit at my desk with my leg propped, and use ice as I desired, while I typed and my teammates and I created a curriculum map for reading.  We got a lot accomplished, working at our own pace and felt good about our results.  Regrouping again with all the staff, each team shared their progress and our new principal was pleased with the efforts of all.  

The week ended with a staff party at one of the teacher's homes and it was relaxing and fun to spend down time with friends and their spouses. David joined me and he had a good time as well!

By the end of last year, I had 18 students, the smallest class I'd had ever, and one of the most challenging ones.  It was rewarding to receive the news that only one student didn't pass the state test for reading, and all but two passed math and science.  Our hard work as a class really paid off.

This year, I have 26 students, and as always, there are upcoming challenges, academically and behaviorally.  I'm still a little nervous, due to the fatigue I have experienced just getting ready for the school year, yet I'm excited (as always) for the new beginning.  I think that's what I love the most about teaching, every year you get another opportunity to meet the challenges and make an impact on a completely new group of young people.  I've never experienced a boring day as a teacher.  I love the possibilities of a new year beginning.

Future Fear and Fretting

It's a gorgeous sunny Sunday afternoon.  But, it's really too warm for me to want to be outside.  I prefer sitting in the living room, curtains closed against the heat, fan blowing mostly cool air. After church, Kailyn and I went to Costco, and a garage sale, then home to do . . . not much!  I read for awhile, thought about maybe getting something accomplished, then decided I'd rather not be too productive.  Tomorrow will be time enough for that, as I'm heading into my classroom to get it ready for Open House this Thursday.  Makes me tired just to think about it! Fortunately, Kailyn and my sister are going to be my "movers and arrangers" and hopefully, I'll stay in director mode and not mess up the progress I've been making in my recovery the past few days.  (More on that later!)

When I wake up on Monday, in my mind I'm thinking it will be sort of a practice run for when it's really back to school.  I'll do my "laying down" exercises (I guess they will be with me for a couple years, or so I've been told!) then make a decision.  I'll either read the paper while I have a cup of tea, or start the rest of my exercise routine which begins with hopping (not exactly a "hop") on my bike and pedaling for 20 minutes.  Then I have a whole new set of muscle strengthening exercises (which are mostly not very fun, as my muscles aren't working very well!) which take about 20 minutes.  I am now expected to stand on one leg, with knee slightly bent (which my new knee hates, by the way) for 30 seconds.  It's impossible without holding onto the counter, and dropping my good foot on occasion, just to keep myself from crashing to the floor! That "slight" bend is a killer!  I can manage it with my knee locked, but the PT doesn't think that's going to be helpful (and even I know she's right!) I'm also supposed to do more mini squats, then practice sitting and getting up with no hands.  Sheesh, I'm finding this a serious challenge!  Oh, and modified "bridges" while on the floor!  I was amazed but I can actually get down on the floor, and up again, not very gracefully, but able. The good news is that these and other new exercises are actually working to strengthen  my muscles, and I've been walking practically like a normal (slow) person without my cane for most of the past two days. (picture a really old lady . . . )

Anyway, all this exercise stuff is adding an hour to a morning routine that wasn't there last June.  I'm kind of freaked out about getting myself to work on time.  Especially since it still takes me about twice as long to do pretty much anything! (remember, really old lady style)

While I am definitely a "morning person"  I am not a fast morning person.  I honestly don't know what I do with my time, as my working day habit is to get up at 5:15, and I am usually rushing out the door at 8:00.  I putter and putz around, leisurely read the paper, eat breakfast and pack my lunch, start laundry and generally just fuss around the house.  That was before I had surgery and now have this new and revised exercise program to cram into my morning routine.  Several months ago, I went to an aqua aerobics class at 6 am three days per week, and, while I'd like to get back into that, I feel responsible to also do the required physical therapy activities.  The pool isn't going to give me the same sort of exercise/stretch/strengthening as my PT has assigned.  Oh, what to do, what to DO?


I was complaining to my husband on the way to church, as I held an ice pack on my knee (because I ran out of time to ice before church) about having enough time to get ready when school begins.  He said, "Is there any rule that you have to exercise before work?"

I thought a minute, then said, "No, but after I exercise I have better movement, so I think it helps me to exercise in the morning, and again do at least some of them in the afternoon or evening."

So, my pragmatic husband said, "Well, exercise in the morning then."  Case closed, conversation over;  we were in the church parking lot anyway.

It is my standard MO to fret and stew mightily about that which I am concerned over.  Which, is why I'm writing about this fear right now, as it's much more satisfying than discussing it with David!  He's a good husband, but a man of few words, and virtually no worries.  (Sometimes, I just hate that about him!)

Maybe I just always have to have something to worry about.  (Someone in this family has to do it!) Last week I was freaked out about the infection on my scar (which did turn out to be just fine, although I still can't go back to the pool until it's completely healed), but for some reason, after my massage on Wednesday and then physical therapy session, I could hardly walk. It hurt worse than it had hurt in the first few weeks.  When I went to the doctor on Thursday, they were worried, so I had another x-ray and had to wait around to be worked in for an ultrasound to rule out a blood clot. Two and a half hours later, thankfully, everything looked fine, but that didn't make walking any easier. I was really struggling and doing a bit of unladylike cursing and banging my cane against inanimate objects in futile frustration.  Friday afternoon at physical therapy I kept crumpling whenever I used my surgery leg for steps or standing.  

Imagine my surprise when I found myself walking decently Saturday afternoon!  I am convinced it was the new and improved exercises I'm being forced to do, and even though they're still difficult, they seem to be working on those wimpy muscles!   Ya-hoo!  Today I've not had near the pain, and only crumpled on my way out the door to church. (another cane bang!)  David told me he noticed my foot was a little crooked when I stepped down, so maybe that's part of the problem.  Since then, I'm making more of an effort to walk and step up and down with my foot straight.  Duh!  You'd think I'd have noticed that before!! (Well, Mindy did notice at PT, but the problem is I don't notice!)

So, I'm a little less stressed at the moment, thinking about going back to work.  I think I need to relax my grip on wanting to get back to the pool until I'm walking consistently well without my cane.  That means I need to make the time for the exercise program in the morning before work, and just know that it's what I have to do to experience success on this recovery journey. And, I maybe need to quit whining, and worrying, about the whole time situation.  It will be what it will be. I will survive. If I don't get it all done before work, it will all still be there, waiting for me, when I get home. Maybe, I need a new mantra . . . Fret Not

This morning I finally took the advice of some of my blog friends, and re-read my blogs since I began my recovery journey.  Gee, I've come a long way, Baby!  I'd almost (but not quite!) forgotten those miserable early days when I could hardly make myself do the exercises, and to ride the stationary bike was excruciating.  Now, I ride 20 minutes at a time, and even longer when I'm enthralled in a book and forget to check the time.  My range of motion is good, and I've fully graduated to the cane.  I wheeled the walker down to street to return it to it's rightful owners yesterday.

So, I was a little freaked out on Saturday when I discovered a fluid filled bump right on my scar, just below my knee.  The doctor had put the fear of death in me about getting any infections while healing, so I called my primary care that morning when they opened and made an appointment.  She looked at it,  pronounced it infected and prescribed a strong antibiotic.  I was also told that if it got any worse to head for ER, and that I should call the surgeon on Monday.  Yikes!

It was really sore, and she had said I could use a warm compress if I chose to, so that night I did.  It felt a little better, and wasn't any larger, so I went to bed.

Sunday morning, I put a warm compress on it again and it opened, but there was just a couple drops of blood.  I put a bandaid on it (in case there were any germs floating around to latch onto the open area!) and went to church.  Later, Kailyn and I did a little shopping and had lunch.  When we got home, I thought I'd take the bandaid off and see what was happening.  Ouch!  It wasn't pretty!

I didn't know what I should do.  It wasn't a big area, only a little more than a centimeter or so in diameter, but it was right on the scar and now it was open and oozing some nasty looking stuff.  I decided to call my surgeon's office to see if they had anyone on call before I made my husband drive me to ER (just to be on the safe side).  Surprise!  I received a call back right away and was told that what had happened was that a suture had decided to make a break for it through my skin instead of dissolving like it was supposed to.  He said to make a solution of 1/2 peroxide and 1/2 water, and using a q-tip, clean the area three or more times a day and keep it open.  Oh, and if it got worse, go to ER, and call my doctor on Monday.

This morning I called but of course my doctor is on vacation!  Finally one of his associates called me back and he agreed with the on-call doctor's diagnosis and in fact, said that it was fairly common.  (I wish I would have been warned about this!)  I'm to continue with the antibiotic, the cleansing, and I will see him on Thursday.  Of course, if it should get worse or the swelling spreads or reddens, I am to go straight to ER.

I forgot to ask him about going to the pool, but the on-call doctor had said it would be best to wait, so rats, I didn't go today, and it looks like I won't get to go this week.

So, after that long and drawn out telling, I'm trying to come to grips with where I am today.  I'm already having PT withdrawals, because this is the first Monday I haven't had PT in six weeks.  I'm only scheduled twice a week now, since my range of motion was at 119 out of 120! But, you know, I'm feeling pretty good, despite my weekend fears and concerns. I did my home routine, and I'm going to have to beef it up, as it's all getting pretty easy. :)

Last week I was so busy I barely had time to read blogs or write.  On Wednesday, I got a haircut and treated Kailyn and I to a pedicure!  Thursday was spent with my friend Deb, shopping for classroom goodies and luxuriating in a long, chatty lunch.  Then I had the best massage I've ever had in my life that afternoon! Julie also massaged around my knee as it is supposed to help with swelling.  She was very gentle and I could hardly feel it.  When it was all over she asked how I felt and I replied, "I am the most relaxed I have ever been in my life!  When can I come back?"  I made another appointment for this Wednesday!

My goal for the next few days is to take really good care of myself.  It's my last week of "vacation" before I need to get my classroom organized and start inservices next Thursday.  I have help coming in with me to school next Monday-Wednesday.  I've purposely scheduled PT appointments to get me out of the school building mid afternoon.  If it works for Julie, I'm going to try and schedule another massage one of those days as well. I may still need my cane when school starts, but in many ways, I'll be more relaxed for this new year than I've been in the past.

I'm glad I took the time to read back over my summer blogs and comments. This recovery journey was huge, and I proved to myself that I am capable of meeting some pretty daunting challenges. I've learned that I can face pain, and do what I need to do in order to overcome it.  I've learned that my house will not fall apart (irreparably) if I'm not in control of it!

Today, even with a new hole in my knee, I feel pretty good about this summer adventure.  Wow, I amaze myself!  (And, I really like my new haircut.  It's super easy to fix!  Perfect teacher cut!)

Small Steps

Yesterday I had my six week check up with the surgeon.  I've been given huge gifts: toss the anti embolism socks (big hurrah!), now allowed to take Advil for inflammation, permission to return to the pool, and ok to drive (a little worrisome).  So, last night I drove home from the grocery store.  I was pretty excited, as six weeks without driving was a first for me, at least in the last forty-something years since I received my licence.  It was only a mile, and I had no trouble.


This morning I returned to the pool at my usual time, 6 am, to the cheers and claps from my friends in my aqua aerobics class.  I didn't do the class, but began by walking in the "river" which I found to be more challenging than I had expected.  Fortunately, there are little "coves" with seats, so I sat most of the time and worked my legs and copied the arm movements from Lori, the class instructor.  It felt so good to be back in the water.  I talked with Diane, the 7 am instructor, and she helped me figure out some other things I can do the next time I return.  It was so encouraging to be back in something that is "normal" for me, and good to see old friends again.

We took this photo last fall for LeOla's birthday

It was especially great to see LeOla (in the blue swim cap), who was 90 last December, and has been my hero for the past two years. 


Driving home, I discovered that my right leg was pretty weak and I was glad the pool was just a couple miles away.  Right now, I'm laying down, knee propped, surrounded by ice as I type.


Small steps.  I was in the pool about 40 minutes, longer than I had promised my physical therapist (she recommended 20 minutes the first time), but most of it was sitting, so I think it was ok.  But, I am so tired! My body is telling me to take it easy, or easier, as I begin to work back into "normal behavior".  So, again, I am fighting that irritation that I can't make my body do what I want it to do, NOW!


Small steps.  Be grateful. Trust myself. Be honest. Take care of myself. Small steps on my journey to complete recovery.

Riding the Roller Coaster

The summer I graduated from high school, I applied at Jantzen Beach Amusement Park for a job in the concessions (game booths).  What a blast!  It was a perfect summer job. The concessions didn't open until noon during the week, unless there was a planned event, and closed at 10:00 PM, plenty of time to have fun and even get a decent night's sleep!  The booths also closed everyday for a two hour dinner break, which allowed us to go someplace to eat and then walk around the park and ride the many rides, usually for free.  


The ride operators and the game concessions were owned and operated by two different companies, and over the course of the summer, there was considerable "fraternizing" between the two.  We got to know each other well, and as they were paid by the hour, they didn't mind if we rode the rides.  (Concessionaires were paid on commission, which was a very different situation.  Now that I look back, I am sort of surprised that the ride operators didn't demand some "free games" from us, but I don't recall that ever happening.  We earned 25% of what we brought in and were paid in cash, every Friday, based on what was turned in each evening in our apron.  I was stationed in the "balloon game" which cost 25 cents for three darts. I made about $50 per week, a reasonable wage for a kid in 1969!!)


Jantzen Amusement Park had this incredible, world famous wooden roller coaster, and I probably rode it at least once nearly every day that summer.  The eighteen year old me was fearless, and loved that old roller coaster with a passion, especially if I was riding with my favorite beau that summer (another concession worker, of course!) 


With two hour dinner breaks, we had plenty of time to visit the rides, and still eat something, before we had to return to work.  


The photo to above is of the first big "dip" and when I found this online, it brought back vivid memories of more than 40 years ago, and the feeling in the pit of my stomach when we crested the top before the descent.


Which all brings me back to the reason for this ramble down memory lane this morning.


A few weeks ago, I wrote about my recovery being like a roller coaster.  At that time, I was seemingly stuck in the ascent portion of the journey, slowly heading up the hill, with the thrilling downhill ride few and far between.  It felt like each day was a continual struggle, and it was all uphill!


I was reminded by a fellow blogger a couple days ago about the difference in the past week, and it brought back for me the roller coaster image.  These days, the ride is up and down, with some definite struggles, but many more "whee" moments when I'm feeling like I'm flying downhill.  I'm smiling more and I'm feeling like my old self again more often than not.  I saw both of my regular physical therapists this week, and both of them commented on how much better I look, as in I have this happy countenance that is shining through.  


Am I walking normally yet?  Nope.  Still slow and careful; still using a cane for short jaunts or the walker for longer ones.  Am I pain free?  Definite nope!  Both PT's really worked my knee over this week, as I am still struggling to straighten it out.  But, my bend is now 118 degrees!  Last night I told Mindy, "No! I don't want to get to 120, because then I won't get to come to Physical Therapy!"  


She laughed and said, "Well, we'll just change your goal to 133, OK?"


I know it seems strange to want to go to PT and be in pain, but I have had the absolute best experience and I appreciate how hard they make me work. While I am faithful to do the exercises at home, it isn't the same as when someone is watching me, checking my form, and encouraging me to push just a little harder, and increase my range of motion.  


This morning, I timed myself doing the "laying down" exercises, and discovered it takes a little over 30 minutes.  I needed to know, as I am pretty sure I'll still be needing to do those exercises when I'm back to work and no longer "on vacation", in order to not lose the range I've gained.  When I'm finished here, I'll hop on the stationary bike and ride the 17 minutes I've worked myself up to, and complete the various "standing/upright" exercises.  The cool thing about all these routines I've developed is that it's a habit now; just a regular part of my day. Wow, back in the habit of daily exercise.  That's a bonus for me!  

Whee-eee!
Photos found at: http://www.rollercoastersofthepacificnw.com/pages/jantzen.html

Welcome Visitors

This afternoon I was lying on the couch with my feet up, half watching The Waltons, and nearly asleep when the doorbell rang.  Nikki jumped up, and barking a welcome, galloped into the table holding my glass of iced tea, which spilled to the floor!  I left it, struggled up with my cane, hollering, "Just a minute!" as I hobbled to the front door, also admonishing Nikki to "Hush!"

Of course, by the time I reached the door, there was no one there, no car in the driveway, but I caught a glimpse of a kid running across the front yard through the trees.  I yelled, "Please don't do that!"

The boy stopped and called back, "Mrs. Babbitt!" and ran back across the lawn toward me. I then saw the big smile and blond hair of one of my students from last year, and I hurried as best as I could to meet him and give him a hug hello.  This was a boy I worked so hard with, not just academically, but on "socially appropriate behavior" and just trying to show him I cared about him as a person.  He had some pretty significant challenges in his brief 10 years, was without a mom and reminded me so much of my son when he was this age, constantly in trouble, but smiling his way out of it on a daily basis.  Needless to say, I was very happy to see him!

Then, two boys on bikes, and a younger boy walking, came back toward the house and I recognized the bike riders as also from my class last year, and the little guy was the baby brother of a couple other students I had several years ago. One of the bike riders said, "I knew you lived in one of these houses, but I wasn't sure which house."  (Kailyn had my van today, or that would have been a tell-tale clue in the driveway!)  So, they were heading for the next door neighbor to ring their bell when I hollered out the door. Luckily, they guessed correctly on the first one they tried!

I let Nikki out to greet them all, and we proceeded to have such a wonderful conversation about what they had been doing so far this summer.  I learned about the vacations they'd taken, and the books they had read.  After awhile, I realized they were in no hurry to leave, and I was getting tired of leaning on my cane, so I asked if they'd like a popsicle, which of course they did.  I gratefully went into the house to get their treats, my water bottle, and my walker with the seat so I could sit while chatting!

While the boys sat on the lawn eating their popsicles, I sat on my rolling seat, with a big smile on my face, thoroughly enjoying their company.  We talked a little longer, and I discovered that the boy who rang the doorbell had just arrived back home this morning at 6 AM from Arizona, where he had been since school was out. I was touched that he made a point of coming by to visit today, as he is one I have hoped to keep connected with.  Before they left for home I thanked them all for stopping by and told them they made my day!

I was so glad that I got up, instead of ignoring the doorbell, as would have been easy to do (it was my rest period on the couch!)  It was so thrilling that the boys felt comfortable trying to find my house, and that they knew I'd be happy to see them.  These boys, for varied reasons, were students who made me love my career. Today, I loved being brought into their boyish presence. They truly made my day!

Have Walker Will Travel

Sunday was as close to a perfect day as they come.  My oldest daughter, Jessica, called in the morning and we had a lovely chat about her week spent on vacation with friends.  (Later I found that one of her friends posted photos of the week on facebook, so I got to "see" her, too!)

David dropped me off at church before heading out to the fairgrounds to work on the Bee Barn in preparation for the fair next week, and Kailyn met me at the car to walk into church with me.  (She teaches preschool at the first service.)  I enjoyed the service and seeing friends and former students who attend, as I've been gone for a few weeks during my recovery. Three people volunteered to help me set up my classroom, so that was an added bonus!

After church I asked Kailyn what she wanted to do, and she said, "What do you want to do?"  I wanted to go for a drive out to Lucia and Moulton Falls, and take a short "hike".  As David wasn't home to tell me not to, we packed up some ice bags in a cooler, a few snacks and water bottles, my walker, and headed out of town.

Oh, the drive was gorgeous!  The sun was shining, and traffic was fairly light.  We both love the drive out along the Lewis River, and have spent many hours hiking the various trails and visiting the many falls in the area, but the last time we'd been out there together was New Years Day. Finally, we have something that looks and feels like summer around here and we were loving the warm breeze through the open windows as we puttered along.

We drove past Lucia Falls and turned off on Hantwick Road, as there is a wheelchair assessable trail leading from the parking lot that we remembered from previous trips.  After parking, Kailyn brought me the walker and we set off toward the trail.  As we started down the paved pathway, my eyes filled with tears and turning to Kailyn,  I told her, "Thank you for bringing me out here.  I appreciate you so much."  She snapped a picture of me "walker hiking" when we got a bit further down the path.

I was one happy momma!  I still tear up, remembering the earthy smells of the trees, listening to the gurgling of the river near by, and the smiles and "hellos" we received from those we passed on our "hike".  It wasn't very long, as I am more careful about overdoing, now that I've learned it just sets me back.  We walked, Kailyn as always matching my pace, over the little bridge and along the path, soaking up the sights and sounds of nature.  The path had a few hills and dips, not significant in my pre surgery days, but more than I've attempted as yet, so after about 15 minutes, when I began to feel the tell tale effects of discomfort in my knee, I told her I needed to turn back.

By the time we returned to the car, I was more than ready to slap an ice pack on my knee, but thoroughly thrilled at having my little adventure.  We drove back toward Lucia Falls and parked.  Kailyn wanted to walk over to look at the falls, and I thought I'd take the wider upper path for a short walk, but quickly decided I had done enough, as it was not paved and pretty bumpy.  I returned to the car and kept the ice on, and people watched while I waited for Kailyn to get her fill of the falls.  

Stopping for sandwiches and shakes at Dollar's Corner, we talked about our "hike" and Kailyn told me she was proud of me for not insisting on going farther.  I even took a couple of short rests on my handy walker seat!  I thought about what a change I've gone through, forced by the recovery journey, to pay attention to my body, and really listen for how I should be caring for this new knee.  I desperately wanted to go on a real hike, however, that's just not reasonable just yet.  Kailyn, in her willingness to drive me in the van, (which she doesn't care for!) allowed me to experience my love of nature, and a mini hike, which soothed my soul as not much else has the past few weeks.

This week I feel confident that full recovery is near enough to taste.  I'm experiencing little pain, except after "strenuous exercise" (the hike pain actually didn't last . . . but after physical therapy, as they are adding new exercises every time now, I do feel the pain!)  I'm making sure and steady progress on my range of motion (now 115 degrees, goal 120!) and I can stand longer periods of time.

I am eternally grateful for the continued support and encouragement I've received from friends, family and my blogging friends.  I am looking forward to future topics other than my recovery journey, yet acknowledge the "rightness" of being here today.  I am grateful for my walker, but can't wait to trade it for a cane, and eventually be free of both.  However, for now, "Have Walker Will Travel" is my mantra and my ticket out the front door!

My driver and hiking pal, Kailyn, and me!